the unwanted : second post

Here's a quick synopsis of "The Unwanted" and the franchise it will spawn. These are some of the first notes Dark had, but if you like it check back later on this week because I believe he will post more in-depth details and possibly the opening scene.

The two main characters will be a hardened, grizzled, born-again cop and a devout woman who runs a Bible shop but has a deep, dark secret. He's a widower, her husband left her. They meet, start to fall in love (romantic not sexual), all while he is investigating a rash of prostitute murders. At one point he connects the dots - all these prostitutes have had abortions! Then they widen the net of the investigation, and realize that there are other unexplained murders that involve women who have had abortions. They start to see the ghosts. The ghosts come for the lead actress. We find out that she herself had had an abortion when she was young, and her guilt is what lead to her devout worship. The movie ends with her offering herself up as a sacrifice to the unwanted. She dies, but in her death her baby is reborn - and the cop takes care of it. Her symbolic act brings an end to the reign of the unwanted.

At first they seem like bad guys - the unwanted - but you realize that these women all get what's coming to them - from the completely wrong and fucked up perspective of hardline anti-abortionevangelical fundamentalists, of course. It'll be a giant fetus-looking thing composed of dozens of smaller fetus ghosts. They come for the mothers, speak to them in a creepy baby voice, and then engulf and suffocate them. Sequels will happen, with the unwanted taking something of the hero position - sort of like how Godzilla becomes the hero in the sequels instead of the monster.

If we do this right, we will be repulsed at ourselves for writing something like this.

Fucking Blind

Here's one from Rippy and myself ripped straight from today's headlines:

(AP-Viagra-Blindness URGENT
A spokeswoman says the F-D-A is still investigating the reports and has no evidence that the drug is to blame. )

Crumpler Wilson is a man that most would envy. He is one of the world's finest pilots, has looks to kill for and a bank account large enough to fill most tropical islands. There's only one problem....he's trying to shoot pool with a rope. Yup, that's right, he can't please the ladies. Thanks to modern medicine though, Crumpler is able to fix his problem just by popping a couple of viagras. The next five years of his life are pure bliss. Girls galore, high class piloting jobs and a brand new penthouse apartment in the sky.

Then something strange happens. Crumpler awakes one morning after a night of triple-teaming women from the Brazilian soccer team and discovers he can't see. The women take him to the doctor who informs him that years of viagra intake has left him blind. The doc explains the situation can be easily fixed; all he needs to do is stop taking viagra and he will regain his sight. This decision, however, is not an easy one for Crumpler. He decides to sleep on it by sleeping with the Brazilian women's soccer team again. After realizing sex is just as good blind, he decides to stick with the viagra.

Blind, but still fucking, Crumpler keeps his good life rolling along. He still enjoys the luxurious penthouse suite, expensive meals and top notch hookers, but does not realize that all the while these women are robbing him. Over the years his large bank account slowly dwindles down until he can only afford the nickel and dime crack whore in the alleyway. Broke, Blind and now a Bum, Crumpler decides to give up viagra and go back to piloting.

At first it is hard for Crump to find a job because he has been out of the game so long, but since he used to be the best the White House hires him on as a co-pilot for Air Force One. Crumpler doesn't like the idea of being a co-pilot, but realizes it is an opportunity he can not pass up. He must go through months and months of training, but someday will get to be head pilot. Then, during one of his training flights, Air Force One starts to take a nose dive. The pilot is freaking out, Bush is in the back puking his guts up, Laura is crying...all hell is breaking loose. This is when Crumpler takes control. He pushes the pilot out of the way, grabs the wheel and pulls Air Force One back up towards the clouds right before it collides into Mount Rushmore.

All is saved. Things begin to calm down and members of the crew begin coming into the cockpit to thank Crumpler. The last member of the crew is a beautiful stewardess who begins unbuttoning his pants. Crumpler begins to tell her not to waste her time, but before he does she undoes his pants and reveals the biggest boner of all time. Crumpler bursts into tears of joys and receives the best blowjob of his life.

The closing scene is Bush walking into the cockpit to thank Crumpler only to see him getting blown. Upon witnessing this Bush begins puking again, but this time it is uncontrollable, he is puking all over himself, Laura and Air Force One. The movie then fades with the plane doing loopty-loops into the sunset.

the unwanted : first post

Years ago I was talking to Jeff Griggs about those bad Christian movies that get publicized so heavily by TBN and those odd fundamentalist networks and websites, stuff like Left Behind and the Omega Code, etc. @e talked about how it seemed like easy money, and then had an idea for a movie - The Unwanted. A Christian, anti-abortion horror/thriller in which the ghosts of aborted babies come back and kill their mothers. The idea was shelved for a year or so, until Ice and I started talking about it late last summer. We came up with ideas for a few characters and a basic framework, but we never started writing it. Throughout today, and maybe into next week, we'll be putting up some of our plans for this thoroughly reprehensible film.

skull and bones

the film opens with a close-up shot of a dank moist gutter which pulls back to reveal a dank moist street that looks like a street that jack le rip would sashay down in london, but it's actually a street in the city that yale is in. we see a skinny man grinning wryly (george w. bush) hurrying along the sidewalk and into an alley. he pushes through the garbage cans, tom cats, and bums sucking one another off, and approaches a splintery door that has one of those sliding peep-things that you would probably see in an episode of the sopranos. i'm speculating here since i've never seen that program. three quick knocks and the slider slides open to reveal a pair of glinty, demony eyes. "if you've got the skull, i've got the bone," george w. says while motioning toward his genital. this is the right thing to say because the slidey thing slides shut, and the macabre door creaks open with a sound effect from the "thriller" video. george w. walks in the musty room and approaches a stainless steel slab. there is a gross ol corpse on this slab. george grins wryly. ok - here is where the build-up ends and the necrophiliac porn begins. i'm not going to give the necro-erotic details here, though i will say that there is a cameo by a young bin laden, and i've never seen a more illegal VHS tape in my life.

CHILLED JUSTICE: episode one

After George Burns in Hell died, Ice and I started work on a sequel, Chilled Justice. We wrote about fourteen pages. You can download the unfinished script here. By the way, Randolph was a bear.

Act one.

EXT. GRAVEYARD. DAYTIME.

Kip and Frank stand before a headstone. Frank is shoveling dirt onto the grave. After he dumps the dirt, Frank throws the shovel off to his side and rubs his hands together. The two stand still for a second, staring at the headstone. Frank walks over to his left and sits down, either on a bench or a log, or on the ground against a tree. He pulls out a cigarette, lights it, starts to smoke. Kip walks over.

KIP
So that’s it. Jack’s really dead..

FRANK
I buried him, didn’t I?

KIP
Yeah.

(beat)

KIP
Do you have enough money for a cab?

Frank nods.

FRANK
Where you wanna go?

KIP
The hospital.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY.

Frank stands in the foreground, close to camera, on the left side. On screen right we see the hallway stretch out. Frank looks off to the right of the camera, at about a 33 degree angle. He doesn’t look happy, and there is no sound at all. Behind him, we see a figure walk out of a room at the end of the hallway, blurry and out of focus. As he gets closer we recognize Randolph. Randolph is wearing his scrubs, which may or may not be bloody. He walks up to Frank and puts a hand on Frank’s shoulder. We don’t hear what he says; we can tell by Frank’s face that Kip is dead.

CUT TO:

EXT. GRAVEYARD. DAYTIME.

Frank and Randolph stand in front of a different headstone. Like before, Frank finishes shoveling dirt on the grave. For a brief moment to the two old friends stand silently, paying their respect to their fallen roommate.

OPENING CREDITS

INT. FRANK’S BEDROOM.

Frank and his girlfriend Trenyce, both in their underwear, are sprawled out on Frank’s bed. Frank is smoking, the ashtray sitting on his chest. Frank glistens with intensity.

TRENYCE
I spoke to my dad tonight. He says he can pay you back next week.

Frank grunts. There’s a silence for a second.

FRANK
Good. My rent’s gone up.

TRENYCE
Why?

FRANK
Two of my roommates died.

Trenyce takes the cigarette from Frank’s hand and puts it to her lips.

TRENYCE
My cousin’s looking for a place.
He’s moving down here in a couple weeks.

FRANK
Does he have a job?

TRENYCE
He’s being transferred.

FRANK
What’s he do?

TRENYCE
He’s a cop.

Trenyce puts the butt out in the tray. Frank lights another cigarette.

FRANK
I gotta talk to Randolph first.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL COMISSARY.

Randolph stands in the cafeteria, staring at all the food behind the glass. Dr. Ice stands to his right.

RANDOLPH
This is the hardest part of my day.

DR. ICE
(fill in this line)

CUT TO:

EXT. PARK. DAYTIME.

Trenyce’s cousin, Cherry (played by DJ), tackles a criminal. Cherry holds him facedown against the ground and cuffs his hands behind his back.

CUT TO:

INT. CHERRY’S APARTMENT. NIGHTTIME.

Cherry unlocks his apartment door and walks inside. He drops his box of Chinese take-out on a counter and pushes the button on his answering machine. We hear a message from Trenyce.

TRENYCE (on answering machine)
Hey, Cherry, I think I found a place for you. Give me a call.

Cherry takes a sip from the cup in his hand, puts it down on the counter, and picks up his telephone. He dials Trenyce’s number and turns on his stereo as he waits for her to answer. He’s sliding a jazz cd in the stereo as he starts to talk. The cd should be the sort of thing Clint Eastwood would listen to, like Thelonius Monk or something.

CHERRY
Trenyce! How you doing?
(beat)
I’m alright. Doing well.
You found an apartment?
(beat)
Great. I’ll be flying in
tomorrow, getting in around three o’clock.
(beat)
That’s alright, I can take a cab.
(beat)
I’ll call you from the hotel.
Yeah, have a good night.
(beat)
You too.

Cherry hangs up the phone. He picks the take-out box up from the counter, sits down on the couch, puts the food on the coffee table, and starts to eat. The camera lingers on him longer than is comfortable.

CUT TO:

INT. CAFÉ. DAYTIME.

Frank and his mother sit across from each other at a table. Food and drink items sit in front of them. Frank’s mom is an attractive, professional looking, middle-aged woman. There is great tension between the two of them. They have an argument about something. Frank’s mom throws water in Frank’s face. Frank silently wipes the water off his face, and stands up quickly.

FRANK
Mother, I’d appreciate it if you stopped trying to see me.

Frank turns and starts to walk out.

FRANK’S MOM
Is this it? You plan on abandoning me?

Frank turns around sharply. His face ripples with anger.

FRANK (accusingly)
Like you abandoned father?

Close up on Frank’s mother, still sitting down, looking shocked and appalled and aghast and thoroughly taken aback. Frank strides confidently out of the café.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL LOCKER ROOM.

Randolph stands in front of an open locker, a bag sitting in front of him. He is naked except for a towel rapped around his waist. He has just taken a shower after getting off work, and is combing his hair. Dr. Ice walks up, also wearing nothing but a towel. His hair and back are wet. They nod to each other, say hey maybe, as Dr. Ice opens up his locker. Ice applies some deodorant and begins to talk.

DR. ICE
Some of us were going to go out and get a drink later on.
(beat)
I don’t know, maybe you’d want to come.

RANDOLPH
Thanks, but I can’t.

Dr. Ice continues to look directly at Randolph, with a sort of “tell me the truth” expression. Randolph hasn’t turned around; is still facing the locker and not Dr. Ice. He is now packing some clothes up in his bag.

RANDOLPH
I have too much work to take care of at home.

DR. ICE
Randolph, we’re worried, man. You’re always working.
You never slow down, never take a vacation. If you don’t watch it,
you’re gonna fall apart some day.

RANDOLPH
I can handle it.

DR. ICE
Can you? What are you trying to prove?
Why do you push yourself so hard?

Randolph slams the locker door shut and turns around dramatically. He looks directly into Dr. Ice’s eyes. He speaks with passion, not anger or irritation.

RANDOLPH
Because somebody’s got to do it.

Randolph turns around, picks up his bag, and walks off. Dr. Ice stands silently, looking shocked, and perhaps slightly in awe.

CUT TO:

INT. BAGGAGE CLAIM. AIRPORT. AFTERNOON.

Cherry stands at the baggage claim, watching the luggage spin around. He grabs his bag as it approaches and turns to walk out.

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPORT ENTRANCEWAY. AFTERNOON.

Cherry walks swiftly and confidently through the entrance.

CUT TO:

EXT. AIRPORT. THAT AREA WHERE ALL THE CARS DROP PEOPLE OFF AND SHIT. AFT.

Cherry walks up, sticks out his arm, and yells “Taxi!”

CUT TO:

INT. FRANK’S HOUSE. LIVING ROOM. AFTERNOON.

Frank is writing some deeply personal and meaningful thoughts into his journal. They are most likely about his mother. Suddenly a shot rings out, startling Frank.

CUT TO:

EXT. FRANK’S HOUSE. AFTERNOON.

Frank walks out through the front door, gunshots continuing. There are five gunshots total. Frank sees Cherry kneeling down behind Frank’s car, his gun drawn and pointed toward a body that’s face-down on the pavement. Cherry stands up and walks over to the body. Frank walks up to Cherry silently. A hot dog lies on the ground near the victim’s right hand. The only gun in sight is the one in Cherry’s hand. Cherry lightly touches the body with his foot; there are no signs of life.

CHERRY (to Frank, w/o looking at him)
He had a gun.

Frank looks at Cherry.

CHERRY
Looks like he had a hot dog, too.
(beat)
Is that your car?

FRANK
Yeah.

CHERRY
Could you give me a hand?

Cherry kneels down and grabs the body by the shoulders. Frank pauses for a second, then grabs the body’s feet. They lift the body up.

CUT TO:

EXT. FRANK’S HOUSE –DRIVEWAY. AFTERNOON.

Cherry and Frank drop the body into the open trunk of Frank’s car. Cherry shuts the trunk.

CHERRY
Is there a creek or river nearby? Maybe a garbage dump?

Frank nods.

CUT TO:

EXT. ROADSIDE. AFTERNOON.

Frank’s car drives by, with Cherry driving and Frank riding shotgun.

CUT TO:

EXT. ROADSIDE. LATE AFTERNOON.

The same stretch of road as before, but noticeably later. This time Frank is driving, and Cherry has his feet out the window.

CUT TO:

EXT. FRANK’S HOUSE. LATE AFTERNOON.

Frank’s car pulls up. Frank and Cherry are sitting in car.

CHERRY
You live here?

FRANK
Yeah.

CHERRY
I’m your new roommate. Name’s Cherry.

FRANK
Frank.

CHERRY
You’re Trenyce’s guy.

FRANK
Yes.

CHERRY
Let’s see she doesn’t hear about this.

FRANK
Of course.

CHERRY (as he gets out of car)
Alright. So where am I sleeping?

CUT TO:

INT. CHERRY'S BEDROOM. LATE AFTERNOON.

Frank shows Cherry into his new bedroom.

FRANK
Here it is.

Cherry walks in, throws his bag down, lies down on the bed, bounces on it a little bit, and stands back up.

CHERRY
Trenyce said your roommate died.

FRANK
Two of them.

Cherry nods.

CHERRY (looking off to the side)
A lot of people die in this city.

Cherry turns head and looks at Frank.

CHERRY
So where's the bad part of town?

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BAD PART OF TOWN. LATE AFTERNOON.

Frank drives his car, Cherry in shotgun, riding through the bad part of town.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR. LATE AFTERNOON.

FRANK
What are we looking for?

CHERRY
Just drive. When I tell you to stop, pull over and leave it running. And keep the blinkers off.

They drive on for a few moments, then come near an alley or intersection or something. Cherry nods and says okay. Frank pulls the car over; Cherry turns to Frank, points his finger at him firmly, and presses same finger against his own lips in the “shhhh” formation without making a noise. Cherry opens the door and slides out.

EXT. BAD PART OF TOWN.

Cherry steps out of car, arches shoulders back quickly, and spits to his side. He cricks his neck and swaggers into the alley.

INT. CAR.

Frank sits alone in the humming car. He motions to fiddle with the radio when his cellphone suddenly rings. He pats around in his pockets until he finds the phone and answers it.

FRANK
Hello?
(beat)
(disappointed) Hey, dad.
(beat)
No, we had lunch.
(beat)
Yeah, she was just being a bitch about everything.
(beat)
I didn’t say anything.
(beat)
Well…
(beat)
I said something about her leaving you.

Cherry comes running out of the alley, back towards the car. He quickly opens the door, jumps in the car, slams the door. For a brief moment he sits quietly, contentedly. Abruptly he turns towards Frank and yells “Go!!!”. Frank hangs up on his dad and peels away.


Act two.

INT. FRANK’S HOUSE. LATE AFTERNOON / EARLY EVENING.

Randolph enters the house. He looks very weary. Something slow and maybe sad plays on the soundtrack. Randolph walks into his bedroom and takes off his scrubs. He then heads to the liquor cabinet and pours himself some Scotch. He rubs his eyes and slinks down into a chair. Randolph is worn out. Frank and Cherry enter; Cherry quickly shuts and locks the door behind them.

CHERRY
Are there any back or side doors?

FRANK
The back door’s locked. What’s going on?

RANDOLPH
Frank, who is this guy?

CHERRY
(to Rand, cheery, amiable) Hey, I’m your roommate, nice to meet you.
(to Frank, suddenly serious and Jack Bauer-esque) Frank, what was your old roommate’s name?

FRANK
Kip?

CHERRY
No, the other one.

FRANK
Jack.

CHERRY
Right. Has his room been cleaned out?

FRANK
His parents picked everything up.

CHERRY
Everything? Nothing of his is still here?

RANDOLPH
This chair was his.

FRANK
And that Spider-Man blanket.

CHERRY
Okay. I need to look at those. In his room. Is his room mine?

FRANK
No, we turned that into the trophy room.

CHERRY
(to Frank) Take me to it.
(to Randolph) Randolph, I called Trenyce, and she‘s on her way over here.
When she gets here, turn these lights off, and go to your room, or the basement.

RANDOLPH
What’s going on?

CHERRY
I know who killed Jack Epps, and they’re going to be here soon.

FRANK
But Jack died of shingles.

CHERRY
That’s what they made it look like, alright. Now where’s that room?

FRANK
Follow me.

Cherry and Frank leave the living room. Randolph takes a sip from his glass, and picks up the phone.

CUT TO:

INT. JACK’S OLD ROOM. NOW A TROPHY ROOM.

Frank and Cherry enter Jack’s old room. It is filled with various trophies. The only other object in the room is a soiled old mattress lying on the floor. Cherry walks up to the mattress and kneels next to it.

CHERRY
And this is where you found him?

FRANK
When?

CHERRY
This is where you found Jack’s body.

FRANK
No.

Cherry stands up.

CHERRY
Okay. Was he lying…
(Cherry lies down on mattress)
Like this…
(beat)
Or was he lying…
(Cherry lies on mattress in a different manner)
Like this?

FRANK
Neither. He went for a check-up and wound up in the hospital.

CHERRY
Okay.

FRANK
And after a few days he died.

CHERRY
Right. So how long did the body lie here?

FRANK
It didn’t. That isn’t even his mattress.

CHERRY
(knowingly)
Isn’t it though?

FRANK
No.

CHERRY
(laughs, slaps Frank on back)
You’d make one hell of a detective, Frank!

FRANK
Look, what happened back there? In the bad part of town?

CHERRY
I got some information.

FRANK
About Jack?

CHERRY
You could say that.

FRANK
What does that mean? Either you did or you didn’t.

CHERRY
Frank, trust me - it’s all coming together.

Frank looks at Cherry with great intensity.

CUT TO:

LIVING ROOM. NIGHT.

Randolph opens the door, and Trenyce is there.

TRENYCE
Randolph!

RANDOLPH
Trenyce!

TRENYCE
What’s going on? Cherry told me to come as soon as I could.

RANDOLPH
Cherry thinks somebody killed Jack.

TRENYCE
Who?

RANDOLPH
Cherry knows, but he won’t say who. He might be in this house, but I haven’t seen him yet.

TRENYCE
Cherry?

RANDOLPH
No, the killer.

TRENYCE
Why haven’t you seen the killer yet? Is he a ghost?

RANDOLPH
I don’t think he’s a ghost.

TRENYCE
I hate ghosts. How did this house become so haunted?

RANDOLPH
I don’t know, but Cherry wants us to go down to the basement, and turn all the lights off.

TRENYCE
Let’s get in the hot tub.

RANDOLPH
We don‘t have a hot tub.

TRENYCE
Cherry’s hotel does. Let’s go to his hotel.

RANDOLPH
Okay.

Them Giles Boys: Drugs is Bad Edition (Part 1)

My brother and I made two installments of a comic strip about Marcus and Brian Giles occasionally fighting crime. I wrote scripts for a few more that were never drawn. Here's the first of a planned five-part anti-drug series.

panel 1.
Marcus rushes into the kitchen, where Brian sits at a table, eating a sandwich. Marcus says, “These streets are filled with drugs!”.

Panel 2.
Close-up of drugs in Marcus’s hand

Panel 3.
Brian is standing left of panel, gritting his teeth, looking at drugs in Marcus’s hand. Marcus is on the right. Brian says “Where did you get these?” Marcus answers, “the streets! They’re filled with ‘em!”

Panel 4.
They’re on the streets. Little kids lie drugged up on the sidewalk. Marcus says “look at all these kids!”
Brian says “Damnit…”

Panel 5.
Close up on Brian’s tense face. He squints like Clint Eastwood and says “… the only thing I hate more than hugs is drugs.”

Panel 6.
Marcus holds up a kid by the t-shirt. The kid looks drugged up – smiles lazily, eyes twirling around. He wears a shirt that says “I (heart) drugs”. Marcus says, “It’s Petey, the Batboy!”

Panel 7.
Brian is holding Petey up by the shoulders. Brian asks Petey, “Petey, who gave you these drugs?” Petey says, “Mr. C!” Make this a side-view, with Brian on the left, Petey on the right.

Panel 8.
Marcus holds Petey up against a wall, holding him up by the front of his t-shirt.Marcus says to Petey – “Mr. C? Who is he? Where can we find him?” Reverse image of previous panel – Petey on the left, Marcus on the right.

Panel 9.
Petey, alone in panel, points to a hotel that’s behind him. Petey says, “He’s in that hotel”.

Panel 10.
Same viewpoint as panel 9 – petey alone with hotel in background. Petey grabs his head and says “Oh dude – I’m dying…”

Panel 11.
Petey lies on sidewalk, dead. Marcus kneels next to him, holding up Petey’s head. Marcus looks up at Brian and says, “He’s dead, Brian! The drugs killed Petey!”

Panel 12.
close-up of Brian, similar to panel 5. He says “One-nothing, drugs.”

Panel 13.
Brian, on the right side of the panel, looks like he’s about to start running. He’s pointing at the hotel. Marcus stands on the left side of the panel. Brian says, “C’mon, little brother – we’ve got to go hit one drug-dealer out of the park!” Put a little “to be continued!” box at the bottom of this panel.

Battlefield Jim

Here's the deal; Jim Morrison never died. While on tour with the Doors in South America, he went out partying with some locals one night and they took him to the legendary Fountain of Youth. Upon his arrival back home he decided to leave the public eye and spend the rest of his life in the town of the Fountain of Youth. Jim moved down there with a bunch of friends where they spent years and years being youthful and merry. All was superb until the news program, "Wild on E!", did a show on the town. In the show they showed Jim jamming with his bar band and then overnight the town became one of the world's hottest spots.

At first the town's new tourism business was making everyone happy, but soon the mayor and the police realized they were powerless. Jim was the town's king shit and one of the few left who knew the location of the legendary Fountain of Youth. As the town begins to fill and the legend of Jim's youth grows and grows the aging mayor and police chief start making plans to fight Jim and win back their town. The problem is...they don't know how to fight Jim, he has too many friends and fans on his side. Then the town officials get a little help from an old colleague of Jim's, Ray Manzarek from the Doors. Dude is fucking pissed. Jim has been screwing him out of potential money for all these years, so Ray comes down to the town to sue the pants off of Jim. At first Ray goes directly to Jim, who just pisses on the lawsuit, but then Ray hits up a deal with the mayor and police chief. Jim is arrested, tried (HUGE INTENSE COURTROOM SCENE) and sentenced to jail. Fans start leaving the town and things begin to quiet back down.

Alone and depressed in jail Jim makes friends with his cellmate, a weird man named Paleo. Paleo explains he's in jail because the town's people were scared of him. Jim asks why and Paleo turns into a werewolf and begins gnawing on Jim's arm ( Thus begins Jim's amazing CG transformation into a werewolf) He and Paleo go into a full-on werewolf shit-tossing rampage. They break out of jail, kill the town's mayor and police chief, rape sheep, rape each other, eat a fuck load of Doors fans and then wind down by making love under the moon. The newly free werewolf Jim decides to celebrate and holds a huge concert in the middle of town. Everyone is there and loving it and after the show Jim and Paleo are chilling with some beers and smokes when Ray comes up and tries to shoot Jim. (word has gotten out about the werewolves, so yeah, silver bullets) Ray sucks though, he misses Jim but hits Paleo. Paleo is dying on the ground and Ray is about to blow Jim away, but Jim starts fast talking. They strike up a deal; Ray will let Jim live if he takes him to the Fountain of Youth and gets the band back together. They head to the Fountain of Youth with Jim rushing with his new lover Paleo to try and save his life. Jim, Paleo and Ray arrive at the Fountain and just before Paleo drinks from it an array of bullets fly through him and Jim. It's a young police officer who has been on their trail since they broke out of jail and killed his boss. Ray laughs at Jim's dying body and then goes to take a drink from the fountain, but the cop shoots him too because he doesn't want anymore hippies in his town.

Location: Dance Party!

This show is going to rule about as hard as a rock. It's the public access version of MTV's "The Grind". Instead of taking place in a club though, it takes place everywhere. The beach one week, the woods the next one, the pool....fools just dancing everywhere. The only problem might be the lack of girls, but the best episodes are probably going to be the ones with just Me and Rippy in my bedroom.

Rebel Heaven

This is a modern day remake of "Glory" which takes place in the clouds. I've never seen "Glory" before, but know its got some fighting in it.


Curtis, a young gang member, is shot to death after he jumps in front of his brother during a drive-by shooting. This act of love makes up for his life of sin and allows him an entrance into heaven. Once there he starts living the heaven that he has always realized. He lays on clouds, smokes, drinks and has a ton of bitches to tend to his every need. Things seem to be going along swimmingly, but then some of the saints and angles begin to object to his treatment of women as objects. God confronts Curtis and tells him that he can no longer have bitches in heaven because everyone must be treated equally.

Needless to say, Curtis is no longer living in his heaven. He's pissed, but soon gets some help from an unexpected place. Luke the Apostle, the patron saint of bachelors, has of course always had a thing for the ladies and the ladies for him. St. Luke and Curtis get together and Luke explains how they can separate from heaven. They rally up some people who have the same ideals as them and they succeed and form a separate heaven. God and the real heaven are pissed and a war breaks out between the two heavens. The civil war lasts for many hard and intense years until one fateful night when a rapper and roomful of groupies are gunned down in a nightclub. These groupies love sexing, drinking and all the good things that come with the Rebel Heaven lifestyle. Naturally, since they share the same ideals of heaven, an agreement is made, God allows them and the rebel heaven to rejoin. All rejoice.