Fucking Blind

Here's one from Rippy and myself ripped straight from today's headlines:

(AP-Viagra-Blindness URGENT
A spokeswoman says the F-D-A is still investigating the reports and has no evidence that the drug is to blame. )

Crumpler Wilson is a man that most would envy. He is one of the world's finest pilots, has looks to kill for and a bank account large enough to fill most tropical islands. There's only one problem....he's trying to shoot pool with a rope. Yup, that's right, he can't please the ladies. Thanks to modern medicine though, Crumpler is able to fix his problem just by popping a couple of viagras. The next five years of his life are pure bliss. Girls galore, high class piloting jobs and a brand new penthouse apartment in the sky.

Then something strange happens. Crumpler awakes one morning after a night of triple-teaming women from the Brazilian soccer team and discovers he can't see. The women take him to the doctor who informs him that years of viagra intake has left him blind. The doc explains the situation can be easily fixed; all he needs to do is stop taking viagra and he will regain his sight. This decision, however, is not an easy one for Crumpler. He decides to sleep on it by sleeping with the Brazilian women's soccer team again. After realizing sex is just as good blind, he decides to stick with the viagra.

Blind, but still fucking, Crumpler keeps his good life rolling along. He still enjoys the luxurious penthouse suite, expensive meals and top notch hookers, but does not realize that all the while these women are robbing him. Over the years his large bank account slowly dwindles down until he can only afford the nickel and dime crack whore in the alleyway. Broke, Blind and now a Bum, Crumpler decides to give up viagra and go back to piloting.

At first it is hard for Crump to find a job because he has been out of the game so long, but since he used to be the best the White House hires him on as a co-pilot for Air Force One. Crumpler doesn't like the idea of being a co-pilot, but realizes it is an opportunity he can not pass up. He must go through months and months of training, but someday will get to be head pilot. Then, during one of his training flights, Air Force One starts to take a nose dive. The pilot is freaking out, Bush is in the back puking his guts up, Laura is crying...all hell is breaking loose. This is when Crumpler takes control. He pushes the pilot out of the way, grabs the wheel and pulls Air Force One back up towards the clouds right before it collides into Mount Rushmore.

All is saved. Things begin to calm down and members of the crew begin coming into the cockpit to thank Crumpler. The last member of the crew is a beautiful stewardess who begins unbuttoning his pants. Crumpler begins to tell her not to waste her time, but before he does she undoes his pants and reveals the biggest boner of all time. Crumpler bursts into tears of joys and receives the best blowjob of his life.

The closing scene is Bush walking into the cockpit to thank Crumpler only to see him getting blown. Upon witnessing this Bush begins puking again, but this time it is uncontrollable, he is puking all over himself, Laura and Air Force One. The movie then fades with the plane doing loopty-loops into the sunset.