unrealized scripts

Thursday, July 06, 2006

The Recyclist

New joint from the unrealized collective

This is a story about love, fighting, and a dude named Stanford Spitz. Stanford’s dream in life was to be awesome. He didn’t dream of being all around awesome just unusually awesome at one thing. Anything. Well, one night when Stanford was in college it almost happened. He was hosting a party for his friends and realized he was a pretty good recycler. All his friends threw away their cans, but he threw his in the blue bin. After that night Stanford gets really into recycling. Really, really into recycling. His talents include skills like; being able to look at something and immediately tell if it can be recycled and knowing which bin it goes in, but this didn’t ever make Stanford the best recycler in the world, just its biggest fan.

Stanford, however, is the type of guy that takes his passions to the extremes; he becomes so obsessed with recycling that he starts to see everyone who doesn't recycle as an enemy of the Earth. As time goes on his love for recycling is overshadowed by his growing hatred of trash. It takes over him completely and then one night at a friend's party he has too much to drink and loses it. After spending the entire night watching people throw away bottles and cans Stanford flips out. He beats a group of guys to a bloody pulp and then sets the trash on fire. Watching the trash burn brings Stanford to an almost orgasmic state. It is the most best feeling ever, so he decides to keep it going and heads over to the city dump and sets it ablaze. As Stanford sits and watches the city dump burn he realizes that destroying all the trash in the world will be his life mission. He will become the Recyclist.

The Recyclist takes a lot of pleasure in watching all the evil trash burn, but another pleasure that he quickly discovers is that burning trash annoys all of the city's residents.
After a couple of major cities are hit with trash fires, the Recyclist begins to receive some national attention. Feeling confident that his message is now being heard, Stanford begins to get some swagger in his step. He's never been much of ladies' man, but now that he's a man on a mission, confidence is pouring out of his pants. Everywhere he goes now there are two missions; the Recyclist must burn as much trash as possible and Stanford must sleep with as many women as he can. Obviously, he doesn't care about the women or the children, but believes that if he can spread his seed enough the future generation will share his hatred for trash. He needs an army. After a couple of years his work becomes clockwork; set city dump on fire around midnight, get to bar around 1am and leave with girl by closing time. Things are going as smooth as can be until one day when the pattern is disrupted. By a woman. A woman named Rose.

Rose lives on the outskirts of Eugene, Washington. She bought her house a couple of years out of college when she first started working at the local library. She has lived and worked there ever since. She loved every aspect of her life until the Eugene City Dump was re-located right behind her backyard. Since then her life has been devoted to fighting trash and the local government.

Having worked at the library as an archivist now for 10 years, she has read numerous stories about the Recyclist. So, when she is hanging out on her deck one night and sees a small fire start to burn at the dump she gets very excited. Rose runs to the dump and finds the Recyclist admiring his work. She runs up to him and throws her arms around him. The two begin to kiss franticly with the fire burning quickly behind them. Soon an entire mountain of trash has caught fire and The Recyclist lays Rose down and they make the sweetest love.

Rose awakes the next morning to find the mass of trash behind her house gone, but so is the Recyclist. With a thrashed heart and an embryo in her belly, she begins hunting down the Recyclist, the man she loves. Finally, once she is on the brink of giving birth to his child, she catches up with him. Rose confesses her love for him and his child, but he pushes her away. In a fit of rage Rose grabs a piece of wood and whacks him in the balls with it. The Recyclist falls to the ground. Rose falls to the ground also, but it is because the excitement of the fight has caused her to go into labor. She delivers her baby there in the dump, but she dies right before the baby lets out its first cry. The Recyclist pulls himself together and leaves Rose and the baby in the dump to die.

Stanford awakes the next morning and the pain in his balls is too much to ignore. He goes to the doctor who tells him that the blow shattered his balls and he will not be able to have anymore children. Left with a meaningless sex life Stanford decides to devote all his time now to being the Recyclist. He doesn't realize, however, that the child he left to die in the dump that night did not. The child miraculously began surviving on its own inside the dump. He taught himself how to live off the trash for 16 years before he made his first human friend, Pauly the garbageman. Pauly and Dump Dude (what Pauly decides to call him) become fast friends. Pauly teaches Dump Dude about the ways of the world, Dump Dude shows Pauly how to live off trash. In fact, Dump Dude can ONLY eat trash. Pauly tries to slowly introduce Dump Dude to real world living, but Dump Dude has no desire for it. The only thing that interest Dump Dude is, Pauly’s daughter, Maria.

Maria is a stunning young girl with long black hair. She is a couple of years older than Dump Dude and is the editor of her school newspaper. Maria and Dump Dude fall madly in love. They spend hours reading stacks of old newspapers , skiing down trash mountains, antiquing, surfing on old car hoods and discussing their dreams (Maria’s dream is to be a reporter, Dump Dude wants to be reunited with his family). Their courtship continues to build for months until one day Maria shows up at the dump running with excitement. She’s gotten a full scholarship to study journalism at the University of Miami Ohio. Dump Dude is crushed by the news. He suggests they stop seeing each other.

Heartbroken by Double D dumping her, Maria begins pouring herself into her work at the paper. One story in particular has been gaining her attention, the actions of the Recyclist. Ever since his accident 16 years ago, the Recyclist’s trash fires have become more and more intense. They’ve increased so much that the number of trash dumps around the world has significantly decreased. Maria begins paying close attention to the Recyclist’s actions and starts to worry about Dump Dude and his home. She begins researching stories about the dump and finds a story about a woman’s body being found there. The article is 16 years old and says that the woman appeared to have been in a fight and died shortly after giving birth, but the baby’s body was never found. Maria rushes to find Dump Dude.

She shows Double D the article and tells him about the Recyclist. He immediately knows that the woman is his mother and that the Recyclist is responsible for her death. With tears in her eyes, Maria explains to Double D that this is one of the last pure trash dumps in the world and that the Recyclist will come here and kill Dump Dude and his home. She tells Dump Dude how much she loves him. Dump Dude holds her close and tells her that he must wait for the Recyclist and avenge his mother’s death. Maria slowly nods and stops crying. Dump Dude lays her down on an old mattress and then, for the first time in both of their lives, they make sweet passionate love.

Dump Dude spends the next couple of weeks quietly waiting for the Recyclist to come and burn down the only home that Double D has ever known. The place where The Recyclist left Dump Dude’s mother to die. Double D anxiously waits for the Recyclist’s return and then, finally, one night Dump Dude notices a small fire burning in the corner of the dump. He slowly climbs up to the top of a nearby trash mountain and sees the Recyclist. The fire is spreading quickly and is soon on the verge of taking over the dump. Dump Dude is frozen with fear, but then realizes he must take action. Double D pushes a car heap over the mountain and watches it explode in the fire below. The explosion sends the Recyclist’s limp body flying through the air. After watching the Recyclist lay motionless for a couple of minutes, Dump Dude climbs down the trash mountain to destroy it. Once Dump Dude gets close, however, The Recyclist suddenly lunges at Double D with a broken bottle. The bottle pierces Dump Dude's heart and he falls to the ground. The Recyclist laughs at Dump Dude and then bends down to retrieve the glass bottle from Double D's heart. Then, with his last ounce of energy, Dump Dude kicks the Recyclist into the fire burning behind them.

In the midst of his screams of pain the Recyclist yells out, "Die in this filth just like your mother!"

Dump Dude spits some blood out of his mouth and then grabs an old oily rag that is lying next to him. He flings the rag on top of the Recyclist. The fire erupts like a volcano and The Recyclist explodes into a million pieces.

"You burn like the piece of trash that you are." These are the last words of Dump Dude as he passes away in front of the fire and things fade to black.

Flash forward a year…

Maria is at her computer working on an article when all of a sudden she is interrupted by a cry. A cry….from a baby.

To be continued…..


  • At 4:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    what does burning trash have to do with recycling? in fact, burning trash is anti-recycling.

  • At 9:11 AM, Blogger ice said…

    nothing, he just hates trash and likes the name the recyclist. Don't worry, the newspapers would point out that recyclist is fact hurting the world and is a crazy loon, but this thing was getting too long.

    Real Recycling plays a big part in part 2.

  • At 10:20 PM, Blogger Variant E said…

    Eugene, Washington. That's funny!

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