Trapped in the Closet (part 5 Remix)

I attended a "Trapped in the Closet" marathon the other night with Jay Domingo and numerous other good folks when Jay had the good idea of everyone coming up with their own version of what should have happened in part 5. I said "Hey, good idea", so here's my remix:

(for those not with it, part 4 ends when R. Kelly turns down his girl's bed covers and finds a rubber)

R.Kelly kicks the rubber off the bed and tells his girl to begin talking quick. She tries to explain what's been going on, but R. knows.

"Shut yourrrrr mouth. You got nothing to explainnnnn"

R. walks over to the closet and who does he find...Muthafucking JAY-Z! As soon as he opens the door Jay starts rapping. Jay drops a hot verse that brings R. to his knees. R. is singing:

"I thought we was friendsss to the endzz.
How could you do this to me
with my beautiful lady?"

Oh, but Jay-Z is still rapping. He tells R. that he isn't done and he's got another surprise. Jay-Z opens the door to the bathroom and Snoop Dogg emerges from the smoked-out bathroom wearing nothing but a towel and rapping like crazy.

Kells is still singing, but confused now

"Snoop you too? But there was only one rubber."

Snoop raps

"Fuck that, I ain't no sucker
just a real muthafucka
that never wears a rubber"

R.Kells is floored. He's singing to his girl, "Whyyyy, Girlllll? Whyyyy you gotta double team behind my back with Jigga and Snooooop?" Her ass is passed the fuck out though, so she's not singing.

R. goes downstairs and calls the cops on his trusty cell phone. "Help! Cops, some fools broke into my house and they are smoking marijuana upstairs. Please come arrest them!" The cops show up and to R.'s surprise it's the same cop who pulled him over in part 4 with his partner, Chuck, Rufus's gay lover.

The cops decide that they can't arrest Snoop for pot, so they just start partying. Everybody wants Kells to party too. Jay-Z extends the olive branch; "Kells take a hit of this shit / Let's learn to forgive and forget" Mr. Kelly accepts, but doesn't know it is really PCP. He starts fucking zooming. Crazy fucking zooming. "Trapped in the Closet" goes directly into an all out psychedelic jam version of "I Believe I Can Fly" complete with a 5 minute guitar solo from "Dark Star" played by R. Kelly on the piano.